How to "Be a Man" in the Always on Digital World

Being a Man in the Always‑On, Digital World

Well - as a guy, I know it's tough. Always being tracked, all your social fingerprints out there, big brother always watching, work computer monitored, Google tracking your web views. There is really not much we can do about it, so how do we deal with it? how do we live in it?

We are a digital culture - everything is tracked, saved, and compared. Your work is measured in annual and quarterly reviews. Your words live forever. Your online presence becomes a story (some good and some bad) you’re expected to always keep up with.

But what about how we (men) are brought up? The expectations we were taught growing up: be strong, be steady, don’t need too much, don’t show too much, always win, make more money, take care of the family, be the provider - and whatever you do, don’t screw up.

I tried to navigate this dichotomy. Be a man but also not too much as you may scare someone (employers, mates, partners) off.

It's easy to say "just do the right thing." But everyone makes mistakes and what's right for one guy may not be right for another. Especially around different genders and sexualities.

TLDR - it's hard to navigate it all these days!

Google / Meta are Big Brother

The constant tracking and visibility makes life tough if you just want to live in peace without being targeted with ads or judged by your online persona - or lack of one. This constant watcher enables cancel culture (FYI - some people need to be cancelled. We can all agree.)

Metrics, messages, screenshots, reputations can rise and fall overnight. Even if you’ve never been “cancelled,” there is a risk which drives self‑censorship, and staying small. It’s exhausting.

The "return" of traditional roles

In the middle of the constant barrage of social media noise, old ideas have come back with new branding. “Trad” man (and woman for that matter) promises clarity: men lead, provide, protect; emotions are contained; roles are fixed. The role of women or a partner is also clear (for better or worse depending on who you ask). For men who feel lost, the clarity the "trad" idea offers is a relief.

But life isn't traditional - and things change, fast. Rigid roles and rules don’t leave much room to be who you truly are. A "trad" man is still wearing the suit of traditional male roles. If that fits, great. But for many men there is a lot of nuance.

The Rise of “Toxic masculinity?”

Ahhh, toxic masculinity. There is such a thing. Sorry my dudes. It does exist. But you could just say toxic people. Toxic is toxic no matter how we dress it up.

The masculinity side of it points more to coping styles many men are taught: suppress emotion, handle it alone, stay in control. These strategies can work short‑term. Long‑term, they often lead to isolation, burnout, strained relationships, or anger and frustration. When we take that out on other people, it becomes toxic.

When I work with men, my goal isn't to shame them, but to name patterns that once protected you but may now be costing you.

The Opposite of Happiness is Comparison

Why does everyone else appear to be winning - more successful, fitter, richer, happier? It will make you miserable. You know it’s fake, but still, your nervous system doesn’t always see through the fake.

If all men see everyday is 6 pack abs, money, cars, women, fame (name your poison), it has a negative impact on the psyche where we end up feeling not enough. For example, when I am at the gym after a pump, I feel (and look ) pretty good. Then another guy comes in that's bigger, stronger, more chiseled jaw - all of a sudden I'm not enough. Satisfaction turns to hopelessness.

So what do we do about it?

Under the comparisons, men aren’t weak - we're exhausted. Tired of carrying identities that don’t fit, and tired of doing it alone.

The data around loneliness, mental health, and suicide isn’t abstract. It reflects what happens when men don’t feel they have permission to speak, ask for help, or they need to be someone else.

And since we live in a world that never slows down, and rewards KOLs - it's hard to cut the noise and just be you. You’re not broken. And you’re not alone in feeling this way.

What helps isn’t a new idea of masculinity, but more flexibility: naming the issues, cutting the social media where you can, building few solid connections, and allowing yourself to be who you want, damn the expectations.

I get it - it's confusing, there is a lot of pressure, we all question our decisions and next steps. But there is room to redefine masculinity on your terms. Not to what other people or influencers expect a "man" to be.

Redefine it for you.