The Only Place Nothing Is Wrong (And Why You Rarely Live There)

Living in the Present Is Hard but There’s a Reason Your Brain Keeps Pulling You Out of It

In my sessions, I hear similar things time and time again. People are either scared and anxious of the future or reminiscent, sad, or angry when thinking about the past.

Most of us live in these 2 places - the future and the past. It’s pretty natural; something we are also taught. Parents telling kids to think and plan for the future. And getting in trouble for what you did in the past. “Think about your actions!” We are never taught to live for the present moment. But isn’t the present all we actually have? The only thing that’s real? Isn't it?

Why Can't We Easily "Live in the Present?"

“Live in the present” is a phrase that sounds easy until you actually try it. Most people discover that staying present is difficult and sometimes uncomfortable. But it’s how our brains work. Our mind is built to think about what was or think about what might be, and both directions are attempts to protect you.

It is difficult for our minds to stay in the here and now. We use the past to make sense of the present, and also to plan for what’s next. It’s important. But when we linger too much on what could have been or dream about what we might be, we lose the present.

And in the present, the here and now, everything is usually quite nice.

Living in the Past Begets Depression

The past is familiar. Even if it wasn’t good, it’s predictable, and your brain likes predictable. The synapses we have built over time have an easier time going down the same path than building a new one. It's easier to drive home than drive somewhere new where we haven't been. Our brains already know thew way.

So we do what we always do. Same decisions, same relationships, same versions of ourself, and the same stories about what “should” have happened - especially when something goes wrong or not as expected.

This is what we call rumination, thinking about the past, and tt has consistently been linked to depression. Research shows that the more we ruminate the higher the likelihood of depression. This also creates a loop where the more you revisit the past, the heavier and more hopeless things feel.

This is why ruminating too much often feels like sinking. You’re trying to change something that is already done, and your brain interprets that as failure.

If you look at a dog (or most other animals), they don't relive the same moment over and over. They are usually quite happy and resilient. Not saying humans are directly comparable to dogs, but what a nice idea. We make a mistake, we fix it or apologize, and we don’t think about it ever again, because we care about the here and now - the present. We don’t fail over and over and over again. And life is happy and joyous!

Maybe we could learn a lot from dogs.

Living in the Future Leads to Stress and Anxiety

If the past feels heavy, the future feels tense. The future is uncertain, and that uncertainty is a threat to your brain. Scanning for danger, predicting outcomes, and preparing for problems that usually never happen. The anxiety of all that thinking can be overwhelming.

Studies show that anxiety is strongly tied to negative future thinking where people tend to imagine feared future scenarios more clearly and frequently, which reinforces the anxiety loop (Miloyan & Suddendorf, 2015).

This is why future‑focused thinking often feels stressful - tightening muscles, raised shoulders, a knot in your stomach. Your mind is trying to keep you safe by anticipating what could go wrong, but it ends up creating a sense of threat even when nothing is happening. It’s not that you are “being dramatic” or “overreacting.” Your brain is actually doing what it is supposed to do. But it just doesn’t serve us at the moment.

This is where mindfulness techniques like meditation, breathing, and exercise help. As I wrote in another article, “There’s a solid body of research showing that mindfulness‑based approaches reduce stress, anxiety, and depression, and improve life across many areas. Some studies even show changes at the level of the nervous system - less reactive, healthier stress responses, easier to calm down.”

Your mind slows down so you can live in the moment; not focused on the past or future.

Can We Live in the Present Where Nothing is Wrong?

Here’s the part we would all benefit from remembering: in the present moment, most people are actually okay. Things are not perfect. Not stress‑free. But things are usually okay.

Take a look around right now. What’s wrong? Right now, you’re breathing; you’re safe enough to be reading this. Right now, you have food, shelter, and all the basic things you need.

You are not running from a predator; you are not in any danger; there is nothing to be scared or anxious of.

Right now - everything is fine. Not the meeting later; not the argument you had with your wife last night; not the car payment due next week. All of that is either gone or may not even happen. Right now, you are good.

It’s not easy and it takes practice to live in the now. Your nervous system responds to what your mind focuses on. When your attention is in the past or the future, your body reacts as if those moments are happening now. But when you bring your thoughts to right now - the present - your body often slows down. Why? The present is rarely a dangerous place. It’s usually the place where we can relax.

Why is Living in the Present so Difficult?

Living in the present asks you to stop doing what you have been taught your entire life.  It asks you to notice what’s happening now (your thoughts, your emotions, your physical sensations) without immediately trying to escape them. That feels uncomfortable, especially if you’ve spent years staying busy, staying alert, or staying ahead; always thinking about what might be if you just got it “right.”

You also need to trust yourself. Can you trust you can handle what’s here? Trust that you don’t need to control everything? Trust that you don’t need to solve the past or predict the future? It takes practice and a different way of thinking but, yes, you can. Though it is confronting.

Why People Turn to Substances and Behaviours to “Stay Present”

Any one that has ever taken drugs or drank too much knows exactly what living in the present feels like. Alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, or overwork can force the present moment. Any overindulgence has the potential to allow forgetting the past and not worrying about future troubles.

These habits narrow your focus to what’s directly in front of you - the drink, the high, the slot machine, the person in your bed, the work you do till 2AM. It creates a chemically or behaviourally induced tunnel vision. And your brain loves it.

Dopamine spikes. Your attention sharpens. Everything else fades. You can be exactly who you want to be and do what you want to do.

Research supports this. Studies show that people often turn to substances as a form of emotion‑focused or avoidance coping, especially when stress feels overwhelming or when internal experiences feel too intense (Cooper et al., 1995; Hasking et al., 2011). In other words, substances and compulsive behaviours offer a fast, intense version of the “present.” Not grounded, but a narrowed attention.

But it doesn’t last forever.

The Real Present Is Less Dramatic but More Sustainable

The real present isn’t a dopamine hit. It’s not euphoric. It’s not an escape. It’s quiet.

It’s noticing your breath. It’s feeling your feet on the ground. It’s seeing what is in the room. It’s singing the song loud in the car.

It’s recognizing that, in this exact moment, nothing is wrong.

You’re here. You’re safe. You’re good.

The present is the only thing anyone actually has. Rich, poor, black, white. Honestly whatever comparison you want to make - we all have the same thing, the only thing worth a damn. Time. And we only have right now.

Miloyan, B., & Suddendorf, T. (2015). Feelings of the future: The role of emotion in future thinking. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 19(4), 196–200. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2015.01.008

Cooper, M. L., Frone, M. R., Russell, M., & Mudar, P. (1995). Drinking to regulate positive and negative emotions: A motivational model of alcohol use. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 69(5), 990–1005. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.69.5.990

Hasking, P., Lyvers, M., & Carlopio, C. (2011). The relationship between coping strategies, alcohol expectancies, drinking motives and drinking behaviour. Addictive Behaviors, 36(5), 479–487. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.addbeh.2011.01.014